8th October 2026.

October 8: Write about a time you chose yourself. What did it cost you, and what did it give you?

— I once had a friend whom I was really close to during degree. We started off as classmates, helping each other survive online classes and assignments. Over time, we became closer, and I genuinely thought we'd remain friends until the end of our studies. Back then, he used to tell me how lonely he felt, how he struggled to find friends and how people often left him out. 

So I told him that I'd stick around. Mana aku pergi, aku takkan leave him out. And I meant it. I made sure he had someone to talk to, someone to sit with, someone to turn to whenever he needed a friend. But funny how things work out, kan? Somewhere along the way, things changed. He became distant, our conversations grew awkward, and suddenly, I was the only one trying to keep the friendship alive.

At first, I kept wondering what I'd done wrong. I tried initiating conversations, approaching him, and pretending nothing had changed. Until someone actually asked me, "Why are you guys not close anymore?". Siaw ah, orang lain pun perasan weh masa tu. Punyalah aku ingat aku je yang overthinking.

I remember crying over it. Bukan sikit-sikit punya sedih tau. I genuinely couldn't understand how someone who had once been so close to me could suddenly act like I barely existed. I tried for almost a month before I finally stopped.

I stopped initiating conversations. Stopped trying to squeeze myself into a friendship where I clearly wasn't wanted anymore. I went on with my life, even though a part of me still wanted to know why things had turned out that way. Eventually, I did get my answer. It wasn't necessarily the answer I wanted, but at least I could stop wondering.

Looking back, choosing myself wasn't some grand moment of self-love. I didn't suddenly become wiser or stop caring overnight. I was hurt, disappointed, and honestly, a little petty about the whole thing. HAHAHA.

Sometimes, people grow apart. Sometimes, you outgrow each other. And sometimes, you're simply the only one still trying. I'm not sure if I am being a good friend to him, but at least from my side, I had done my best. If that wasn't enough for him, he is free to look for more from another friendship. I'm done beria haha.