6th October 2026.

October 6: What do you wish people understood about you without you having to explain it?

— My silence.

In my 25 years of life, I’ve played a lot of characters. I’ve been the nerd, the class representative, the shameless flirt, the introvert among the extroverts, the pervert among the introverts — anything, you name it. Dah macam-macam karakter aku bawak sepanjang hidup ni (ceh, macam dah lama nau hidup hahahahaha).

But one thing people from every phase of my life might notice is how I go silent when I’m not okay. It doesn’t matter what it is. Something someone said, something I suddenly thought of, a random memory, or even something so small that I probably shouldn’t be upset about. If it gets to me, I go quiet.

And honestly, it’s probably even weirder when I suddenly go silent because silence and I are NOT compatible. HAHAHA. Padahal introvert tau! Tapi once dah rapat, terus bisingnya Ya Allah. Mulut tak reti berhenti.

But that’s the thing. People might see me being loud, laughing, yapping about the most random things, and assume I’m okay. Until suddenly, I’m not. And when that happens, I don’t really know how to explain myself. Sometimes, I don’t even know why I feel the way I do.

So I go silent.

I keep things to myself, sit with whatever I’m feeling, and try to sort through the mess in my head. I’m not angry at anyone, necessarily. Sometimes, I’m just upset with myself. Sometimes, it’s something someone said. Sometimes, it’s a whole lot of nothing and everything at the same time.

I guess I just wish people understood that my silence doesn’t always mean something is wrong between us. Sometimes, something is wrong with me, and I’m just trying to figure it out myself.

(Or maybe I'm just a big ahh avoidant, trying to avoid conflicts while I can, lol!)