Dididik untuk Mendidik

I never planned to be here. Teaching was never the dream I scribbled in childhood notebooks or the ambition I carried into university. But somehow, I found myself in an education diploma, with countless lesson plan and microteaching sessions. 

"Dididik untuk mendidik." That is what my lecturer said to us on our first day.

Taught to teach; to educate. It's a phrase that lingers in my mind, an expectation woven into my upbringing. My parents saw stability, purpose, a noble profession. I saw pressure, an invisible weight pressing against my chest. Their voices echoed: "A teacher builds the future." 

But I don't want to be Aqillah the Builder. I'm just lost in blueprints drawn by others.

The days blur into lessons, educational theories, and lesson plans. I did my best to survive, while trying to shove down the feeling of inferiority down my throat. There are moments when doubt creeps in, whispering that this isn't my path. What am I doing here?

Yet, there are also moments that anchor me back to this path.

My late grandfather shared excitedly about his time in Malacca when I told him about my acceptance into IPG.

My parents were so happy and proud of me when I received the offer.

My uncles that call me "teacher" every time I'm back to Johor during holiday.

My lecturers that redirect my perception of our education system.

I am still trying to love this field. Hopefully, soon.

Until next time, bye.